


The Red Eyed Monster

by The_Rising_Sun



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Gen, Kai-centric, Self-Hatred, So much angst, Yes it Is, but im not, id say im sorry, is half of this just me projecting?, minor Nya/Skylor, why yes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 10:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16135001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Rising_Sun/pseuds/The_Rising_Sun
Summary: The bitter taste was a familiar one. An old friend that had followed him his whole life.





	The Red Eyed Monster

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for ninjago angst week. always meant to edit it a bit and post it here and now i did! 
> 
> *insert obligatory new to writing thing here*
> 
> please comment or yell at me on tumblr (@i-love-garmadad)! 
> 
> please guys. gimme comments. im be g g i ng you

Laughter echoed in the brightly lit room. The place wasn’t packed, unusual for a Friday night at Ninjago’s favourite noodle restaurant. Chen’s was closed to the public as the ninja, the replacement ninja and their friends enjoyed Skylor’s free food and each others company.

Jay’s fake smile wavered a bit as his eyes glazed over. He’d been trapped in an extremely one sided conversation with Dareth for fifteen minutes. Across the room, Lloyd was stuck in a similar situation with Ninjago’s esteemed police commissioner. He nodded, barely registering what the older man was saying, and frantically looked around for a way to escape from him. 

Cole grinned as Lloyd sent him a pleading look. “Sorry,” he mouthed and went back to drooling over the table weighed down by the ridiculous amount of cakes just waiting for him to taste them. A few feet away from him, Sensei Wu and Zane were in the middle of an intense chess match. Sensei was smugly sipping his tea as Zane frowned at the board.

The upbeat pop song with a nice, if barely understandable, chorus changed to a fast paced song clearly meant for dancing. All eyes turned to Echo Zane, their DJ. A few gears fell out of him as he shrugged. 

Nya could do nothing but gayze adoringly as Skylor walked over to her and held a hand out. Pulling her close, Skylor spun them over the the middle of the makeshift dance floor. Nya’s surprised and delighted laughter encouraged Skylor to pull her girlfriend even closer. Nya laughed again and nodded at Echo Zane. Nodding back, he pressed a button. The music suddenly changed to a slow waltz.

Before Skylor could process the change, Nya slipped out of her grasp and adjusted their hands. Now leading, Nya smiled at her blushing girlfriend. They stared into each others eyes, ignoring everyone else as they danced in their own little world. They should look absolutely ridiculous, wearing jeans and waltzing terribly in the middle of a noodle shop. They don’t. 

Instead, they look…carefree. In love. 

Kai slammed his glass on the table, gritting his teeth. They looked so happy. That was his sister! He should be happy for her! He had never seen her like this. Nya, like him, carried the weight of a childhood snatched away. He’d never seen her so…so content.

But he wasn’t happy, was he? The reason for Nya’s new happiness was Skylor. Her girlfriend. Skylor, who he had crushed on for months. Skylor, who had smiled at him with pity in her eyes. Skylor, who had told him they wouldn’t work out. Skylor, who had started dating his sister. He tried to be happy for them, he really did! 

He tried. But every time he saw them together, his heart twisted into ugly shapes. Every time he saw them together, he’d fake a smile and make an excuse to get away. He knew it was wrong. He knew he wasn’t entitled to Skylor’s heart. He knew Skylor didn’t owe him anything. He knew he shouldn’t think like that. He knew.

Skylor was his friend! He should be happy she found someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He should be happy for Nya too! Nya, who had never thought she was capable of being in a healthy, loving relationship and Skylor, who’d thought the same about herself. His sister and his friend. They were so happy together. Why couldn’t he be happy for them?

“You’re a horrible brother,” said the voice in the back of his head. I know. “A horrible person too,” the voice added. I _know_. “No wonder you’re never chosen. Everyone can see what a horrible person you are.” 

The voice wasn’t a separate voice anymore. It was just him. He stared at the ice cubes floating around in his lemonade, mesmerized by the way they moved. It was obvious. Everyone knew he was a terrible, jealous monster. That was why he was never the first choice for anything. He didn’t blame his friends, of course not! He wouldn’t want to be friends with a guy like him either.

He slowly finished counting the ice cubes in his drink (there were exactly eight). He looked up, eyes searching the room. Ronin and Soto laughing and swapping stories in a corner. Cole, standing next to the mostly empty cake table, looking like he was going to throw up. Jay, making excuses as he slowly moved away from Dareth. And there! Nya and Skylor, still in their own world, smiling softly at each other.

His chair scraped against the floor as Kai abruptly stood up. Grabbing his lemonade, he made his way to the back. He took a deep breath of the cold night air as he stepped into the back alley, then immediately regretted it as the smell of rotting garbage hit him. Coughing violently, he staggered over to the wall at the end of the alley where they’d received that invitation to the Tournament of Elements, so long ago.

He winced as the rough brick tore his shirt. Sinking down, he sat on the road and leaned against the wall. _Zane._ It was all Kai’s fault. If he hadn’t trusted Skylor so much back on chen’s island, they could’ve found Zane so much sooner. They could’ve stopped Chen from turning himself and his men into Anacondrai. Sensei Garmadon would still be here.

Sensei Garmadon. Another person who was affected by Kai’s idiocy. He was a good man. A good Sensei. A great father. He was also banished to the cursed realm. Who knew where he was now? After all, they had destroyed the cursed realm. He certainly wasn’t in Ninjago. He was most probably dead and definitely not coming back.

Kai pulled his knees close to his chest. He had been so stupid. So impulsive. Maybe if he hadn’t, Lloyd would still have his father. He put his head between his knees and took a shaky breath. The smell of garbage was still strong, but he was more used to it now. 

He had been such a horrible friend to Lloyd. He considered the kid (He would always be a kid. No matter what happened, he would always be a kid to Kai) a little brother. He should’ve been nicer to him. If he had, then maybe the whole tomorrow’s tea debacle wouldn’t have happened. He didn’t know how, but Kai knew Lloyd’s lost childhood was somehow his fault. He, of all people should know about the effects of growing up too fast. How could he do that to Lloyd? Kai couldn’t breathe.

He’d been so _jealous_ of the kid. So focused on being the green ninja. He’d wanted to be the green ninja so much. Just like Morro. Oh. First Spinjitsu Master help him, he was just like Morro. Morro had hurt Lloyd too. He’d possessed Lloyd for so long. (and that was Kai’s fault too. Why did he let Lloyd go alone? Why didn’t he go with him to the museum? After that, when they were trying to track him down, Kai had just slowed the team down. If he’d been smarter, stronger, _better_ then maybe Lloyd wouldn’t have suffered for so long.)

Kai had already hurt Lloyd. Just like he hurt everyone around him. Kai was fire. He burned and burned and _burned_ until everything around him was consumed. Was Morro like that too? Kai’s couldn’t breathe. Morro was wind— gales and hurricanes and tornadoes that destroyed everything in their path. Morro had hurt everyone around him too. Then eventually, himself. That sounded too familiar to Kai. 

He gasped and rested his head on the wall. He took in desperate, heaving gulps of air. He closed his eyes.

He was just like Morro.

He remembered all the times he’d been rejected. The way he’d looked at Jay when they first met. The way Jay never seemed to see him. The bitter taste in the back of his mouth when he noticed the way Jay had looked at Nya the first time he saw her. Lloyd becoming the green ninja. Lloyd becoming their leader. Skylor. The bitter taste was an old friend. One that had followed him his whole life. He remembered everything. Morro had remembered too. 

Kai’s eyes flew open as the door to Chen’s creaked. “Kai?” said Lloyd, tentatively walking into the alley and looking around. His face screwed up. 

“Oh that smells awful,” he exclaimed.

Kai hastily stood up and wiped his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. 

“Go away Lloyd.” Please, he added silently. Please go. I don’t want to hurt you. 

“Kai,” Lloyd took a step towards Kai. “you know, the party’s great. You should come back in.” 

“Lloyd, I’m serious” 

Lloyd ignored him and started to ramble. “So Cole threw up aaalll over the chess board so Uncle Wu and Zane are really really mad at him an-” 

“Lloyd.” Please.

“Jay just ran away from Dareth and went with Cole to help him clean up but Zane was apparently this close to win-” 

“ _Lloyd._ ” I really really don’t want to hurt you.

“Then everyone was staring at Zane and I noticed you weren’t there so I came to look for you!”

“Lloyd, go back inside.” 

“Kai, what’s wrong?” said Lloyd, now noticing just how worn out Kai looked.

“Go. Back. Inside.” Kai’s jaw was tight. 

“Kai, please. I want to help. What’s wrong?”

“Listen to me,” hissed Kai, “the great green ninja _is_ allowed to listen to lowly mortals, right?”

Lloyd recoiled, hurt flickering in his eyes. “Kai, I-”

“Go away Lloyd.”

“…..I mean it. _Go. Away._ ”

Kai sunk back down as Lloyd’s footsteps faded away. He flinched as the door slammed shut. Why was he like this? Always hurting the people he cared about. They were so much better off without him. His legs trembled as he pushed himself up. Why would he do that to Lloyd? He really was a horrible person. 

Kai pulled his hood up and shoved his shaking hands into his pocket. He didn’t bother wiping his tears this time. Why bother? There was no one around to see them.

Kai ran.


End file.
